Nobody ever thinks about how "infertility" affects the Husband. Now, I put the quotations around the word infertility because I haven't really been diagnosed as infertile. but... Two years is quite a long time for someone my age to be trying, so I call this my "non-fertile" period.
Nobody talks about the Husband side, though. No, they dont go through the physical pain of miscarriages, they don't get the random side effects of the medications, but they share the same emotional pain that women have. Nobody really consoles the Husband, asks him if he needs anything, if he's doing okay, if he needs to talk about it. But I want to let you know that it's just as hard for the Husband.
Jed has been awesome through everything. He makes sure I'm as comfortable as possible, he holds me when I need to cry, he has to fend for himself when I'm just too sick to make dinner. He has said before that sometimes he feels helpless, sitting on the sidelines while I go through all of this physical crap, and I'm sure it's been rough on him. I come home from Doctor's appointments, and I try to explain the new stuff that is going on, and Jed (even with his extensive knowledge on the human body) still has no idea what it all means for us and our situation.
I think back on that first miscarriage a lot. I was in pain, throwing up my guts at the blood testing center, shaking so much i couldn't drive home. But Jed was calm about everything, at least on the outside. He knew I needed to drink water, get a priesthood blessing, etc. I know he was freaked out but he couldn't do anything to console me. I cried and cried and cried all through the first days and nights, but Jed was always there to pat my head and tell me he loves me.
I'm so grateful for my Jed. He has been my constant companion, gently nudging me along when I just don't want to go anymore. He knows the exact right words to say to make me feel less hope-less, and he always is so kind to me when I'm dying on my death bed 2 out of every 4 weeks of the month. He is so strong, and never complains.
Thanks, Jed, for being so awesome.